Saved by the Big Boss

DREAM KPOP CONCERT… FANTASY NO MORE.

WARNING: SUPER LONG POST. :)))

-Ang gwapo nilang lahat literally HANDSOME PERFECT FLAWLESS PEOPLE especially INFINITE L and HOYA, UKISS KEVIN and ELI and KISEOP, EXOOOOO! All of them!!
-Infinite performed Be mine, Paradise, Before The Dawn, Chaser and Nothing’s Over.
-Witnessed their super synced dances and all I can say is whoa.
-bastos ang technical problems when infinite performed all of their dancing songs. Naputol ang ibang mga dance breaks. Na.shock ang ibang mems pero si L parang wala lang but still ang gwapoo niya sobra.
-Super cute nila magperform ng nothing’s over, andaming aegyo.
-Ang gwapo talaga ni L kahit mukhang wala siyang paki sa world.
-Kadami ng fans ni Hoyaaaa. Isa din yun, sobrang gwapo niya. 

-Tasty performed You Know Me and Spectrum. Lakas sumayaw ng duo. Nakakainlove.
-Interview portion was the best, it heightened their charms. Sobrang cute nila esp when they smiled together (since they said one of their differences is their teeth). I melted, eye smiles grabeeee.
-Host (nonverbatim): I heard rumors you choreographed your songs. Blonde tasty member: “First of all, that’s not a rumor.” BOOOOOOOM! Sarap sumagot mehn, nakakainlove.
-They danced to M. Jackson’s genre without music and guess what, sync pa rin sila. Amazing.
-Lucky Tasty PH representative went on stage to give flowers to Tasty and Tasty gave her a hug. Lucky.
-Host flirts with Tasty, nakakainis. xD

-Ukiss performed Bingeul, ManManHaNi, Someday, Stop Girl.
- Grabe when I saw Kevin, aaaang hot and gwapo masyado, di natake ng heart ko kaya umiyak ako. Gosh ang galing niya mag.project, expert centerman. Flawless masyado ng mukha niyaaa, nahiya naman ako sa face ko.
-When Someday was performed… saaamot, umiyak na naman ako. 
-I never thought Eli was that hot! Daming Eli fans sa likod ko kaya if Eli performs, I cover my ears kasi grabe parang end of the world kapag si Eli na. 
-Disappointed much kasi wala pa rin si AJ. Pero binawi naman ni Eli!! 
-Kiseop was given a birthday cake and ang cute niya. Charming masyaado.
-Sohyun’s voice was aaah.
-Lakas magperf ng UKISS. Sobra.

-Tahiti performed Tonight, Pretty Face, If You Wanna Be My Lover, and some other song I don’t know.
-Jongbin was soooo pretty even when she got teary-eyed (I don’t really know the reason why Tahiti cried, either na touch sila sa kadami ng fans nila or nahurt sila dahil narinig nila ang audience sumisigaw ng “exo” when they exited after their second song in preparation for their next perf).
-Synchronized din yung dances nila so +1.
-Jongbin’s legs were whoaaaa. Long and flawless. She is really interactive sa audience so weeee +1 na naman for her. She looks like Bom and Tiffany combined. Potential bias.
-I have to say parang Palmolive ad yung hair nila. Ang straight, bouncy at shiny. haha.

-EXO performed MAMA, Angel, What is Love, Two Moons, History, Open Arms and Hawak Kamay.
-I DIED WHEN I SAW KRIS I THINK MUNTIK NA AKO MAGKABREAKDOWN AT MAGFAINT GOSH ANG GWAPOOOOOOOO NIYA. He was really tall and his tallness was really distinct during the interview portion. His English was freakin swaaaaag, hot, charming and perfect +10000000 please. You are my ultimate boy bias for now. Sorry Key, I need to see you and prove to me you’re still my ultimate bias. :))
-Chanyeol kills me. He’s freakin handsome and ang super cute niyaaaa. SUPER. 
-Lakas nilang sumayaw, powerful perfs. Nagtumbling si Tao omgaaaaaash.
-When Two Moons was performed I don’t know if my soul remained pa inside my body. Graaaaabe, I’m really thankful na pinerform nila ito kasi akala ko di talaga since this was not part of the 1st album. My favorite ROLL LIKE A BUFFALO auuuurgh! 
-Sheeeeeks ang gwapo ni Kai forever pati si Luhan grabe si Luhan parang lalaking doll ang kiniiiiiiis ng mukha.
-Ang sarap ng vocals ni Luhan, D.O, Chen and Baekhyun when they performed Open Arms.
-Shocking yung pagkanta nila in Filipino with Hawak Kamay. And NAGBIRIT SI KRIS AFTER THE BRIDGE AND HE NAILED IT.
-Akala ko si Kris and Chanyeol lang ang gwapo pero I TELL YOU ANG GWAPO NILANG LAHAT. LAHAT OKAY LAHAT. 
And noooooow GG!

-IT WAS THE END OF THE WORLD, may earthquake when they entered the stage. They performed Genie first and when Taeyeon sung Sowoneul Malhaebwa~ I DIED. I screamed at the top of my lungs all of what I have and everything pinalabas ko mga hinanaing na I waited for this moment for almost five years. Everytime Taeyeon sang her line, I cheered like Sooyoung’s loyal Pterodactyl fan. 
-Hindi na ako nakaconcentrate sa Genie perf masyado since I was crying like a stupid girl.
-Finally, Tiffany’s anticipated “PHILIPPINES PUT IT BACK ON” came to reality. 
-The Boys was performed next. Powerful perf as usual. I loved the fanchants and ang hot nilang lahat. Ayun pa rin sumisigaw kapag si Taeyeon na ang kumakanta. Pero parang low ang energy ni Taeyeon the whole time compared to her usual perf energies. I bet she’s tired na since the concert was sandwiched between their comeback perfs in Korea. But still I love her to the bones.
-Seo baby’s vocals are freakin powerful, goosebumps all over.
-Yuri’s “I wanna dance right now” was freakin hot nuff said.
-They performed hoot and shuuuucks ang cute ni Sunny kahit unflattering yung blue hair niya.
-Yuri’s dance in Dancing Queen was aaaaah, nakakainlove ang ganda pa naman niya masyado.
-Ang ganda ni Hyo promise parang exotic american-ish beauty. I never thought she was this pretty talaga. 
-Tiffany’s english was straight, spontaneous, ang sarap pakinggan. And she said na probably theyll come back in the phils for a solo concert. Yes baby.
-Kahit na na.shock si Yoona after the interview portion (kasi she didn’t understand what the host was saying since it was in english and the host introduced IGAB but then the next song was supposedly Gee) ang gondo pa rin niya sobraaaa.
-Jessica’ sang Someday’s Chorus a capella. Sweet sweet voice came with that sweet perfect face. And after she sang it, nag.giggle siya shyly and daaaang ang cute nuuuuun.
-When Hyo was interviewed, hindi binigay yung mic sa kanya so she didnt have the chance to greet her fans huhu.
-They all look like live beautiful dolls. ANG FLAWLESS NILA ANG KINIS NG MUKHA ANG GANDA PA. Ang puti nilang lahat. Sobra pa sa puti. Dang.
- l felt this unexplainable super intense euphoria when they performed IGAB. They changed their plan of singing it live in the last minute para ma.emphasize ang sayaw and choreo ng IGAB.
-Taeyeon’s first line in the song with the body wave-ish steps was pretty intense feel ko I was not myself anymore. Hot niya supeeer. Nakakamatay.
-Seo is the epitome of innocence and cuteness combined.
-Sooyoung is truly a beauty. Akala ko average lang beauty niya no offense. But dang ang ganda niyaaaaaaaa. 
-Sunny didn’t have enough screentime and I hated that pero ok lang since ang super duper cute ng aegyo niya.
-Yuri’s abs, one of the best esp when they performed the dance steps of the IGAB chorus. The oowoaowoaaah.
-Fierce and powerful nung IGAB perf nuff said.
-When they finished IGAB, bumalik ang earthquake. I felt sad na tapos na. It felt like one minute lang yung whole thing nila kahit na six freakin songs ang pinerform nila. 
-Everything Ive seen on the internet pictures or videos of them ay accurate pero grabe pa rin kapag nakita mo sila in flesh. Promise.
-I think theyll be travelling back to korea na to resume promotions of IGAB. I bet my inki perf pa sila today. 

There a lot of things pa I wanted to highlight. A lot. But most of them are soooo hard to put into words. In short, sobrang unexplainable ng experience ko last night. Extreme euphoria forever. I thank our fairy godmother Happee Sy for organizing this event and God for giving me the opportunity to experience and live my dream.

Destroyed Progress

I was there, gloriously running on the right track, so ready to rip off the finish line’s long ribbon and breathe the lungful smell of victory. I made an awfully good progress. My realistic side dominated and I patted my back for that. I lived my life the way it was supposed to be: carefree, happy and focused. My fantasies, the memories we created together, the undying feelings I had for you were safely locked inside what I believed, was a safe box buried six feet below the ground… until you surprisingly and unexpectedly touched my broken yet progressing healing soul once again, out of nowhere.

With that single text I received during the holiday, you simply unlocked the lock that bound my inner loving humane self and boom, everything fell apart. It was like 3, 2, 1… and there the dangerous nuke bomb exploded in all directions; time reversed and unfortunately I was transported inevitably back to the wide starting line and I was unconsciously digging the ground, grabbing the lost safe box you unlocked. And in one swift movement, I was back to where I felt the excruciating pain of knowing you have given up on me.

It was quite ironic since your intention was to build a new kind of relationship between us, the friendship one at least. I pretended it was “okay” for me. But the part where I forgave you and that there’s no more hatred existing inside of me were true though. I am just the idiot crunching and holding the rotting bar that connected the both of us before, the lost relationship we had.

I can’t believe you destroyed my progress. I can’t believe your ability to unlock things still worked on me. I can’t believe you still can be my key.

It’s back to 0%. Right where it all started. Back to the annoying sleepless nights, back to remembering all the painful memories, back to listening to T. Swizzle’s music; they’re all coming back to me one by one, it’s like punching me in the face: left, right and of course including the most painful uppercut. I know eventually I will successfully pass yet again another KO, another nervous and shattering breakdown. I’m ready for that. I passed it once, I can pass through it again. I will try the arbitrary steps I made for myself again so as I can at least move once more. Reality check mantras, rebound crushes, total focus on my career, converting the romantic love to filial love… I just hope these efforts won’t be dumped into the sewers again.

But then, the truth is, I can let you hurt me again and again. It sucks, HARD. Here’s the real problem: It sucks when I’m still utterly, passionately in love with you but I can’t tell you. Why? Simple, I’m afraid to bathe in the same kind of direct rejection from you and I don’t want to squeeze you too tightly, I might kill you or you would have to erase me completely and I don’t want that to happen.

In the end, I just keep everything to myself and deal everything by myself whatever it takes even if it means going back to level 0.

Merry CHRISTmas!

Today may not be the real date of His birthday but hey we get to remember that He became one of us, humans; with both flesh and blood. But unlike us that baby, born about 2000 years ago, grew up into a man with a pure heart. Bearing that existent purity, He sacrificed Himself for us… simply because He loves us. Thank You for saving my life and everyone’s lives. I will be forever grateful. ♥

Without Christ, you’re missing the whole point of the celebration. Merry Christmas tumblr followers! :D

So much for OHANA

Let’s get this over and done with. 

Frankly, I don’t really care if you’re calling me a bitch or label me with anything less respectable. Don’t worry, unlike you, I do not talk foul conversations about you to other people; I do not fish for other people and grab everyone’s sympathies so as you could gain more people therefore more strength and “power” against me. Unlike you, I’m ready to face you anytime without any sense of backup. 

I’m ready to tell you my whole story, with which you did not know when you passed your judgments, along with the constant pain I’m going through the past months. It’s not what or how you think of me that has pained me, it’s the thought of no one, NO ONE, stood up for me when I had no idea about your hatred against me, not even the ones I thought were worthy of my trust and those I thought were important to me. Thanks to your special ability to “brainwash” them. 

And to the ones prying between the lines, thank you for passively listening and absorbing what was said against me, you guys know who you are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for your sympathies either.

Again, tell me when you are ready so as I can tell you my whole story. 

But I don’t hate you. I’m just hurt, extremely hurt. I totally forgive you, even your sense of ignorance and plain judgement. Yes really, I forgive you.

This is the only thing I’m asking from you: Just please, don’t judge and don’t pass it around unless you have dug into the core of my whole being or of anybody else. Including this post, which is just the vague overview about what I’m really going through. 

Got a problem with me? Directly talk to me, and ONLY to me. It’s easier that way.

If you ignore this message, I will understand. You knowing this is good enough for me.